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17 August 2011 @ 07:42 pm
For me, writing is cathartic. It flows from emotion. The words appear because of emotions and I arrange them in whatever way feels right. I'm acting on instinct, it's something that I control wholly. I can let everything else slip away and get lost in whatever mental imagery I am trying to describe. It's the most relaxing activity I know.

It also causes me a great deal of stress. For all the talking I do about my love of words and language, I forever feel inadequate. I do not write nearly enough to call myself a writer, or so I constantly worry. I must be a fraud. I'm lying to everyone.

I once had a teacher who proclaimed oh-so-elegantly that you cannot call yourself a writer unless you write every day. This statement frequently haunts me. It fills my head as my stacks of empty notebooks leer at me from across the room and I panic because I do not have enough ideas to fill them all. Or, at least, not enough ideas that I deem worthy.

I want to be my generation's Stephen Fry, the next J.K. Rowling. Someone who will be lauded and remembered. Don't we all? I have it in me, I can feel it creeping around under my skin. But at the same time I know that Neil Gaiman would look at me and tell me that I ought to write if I hope to be like him in some way other than the texture of my hair. I freeze up at the thought. Terror spreads through my stomach and into my chest, tight and encompassing like the pain of a burn. Because I have no ideas. Everything I dream up is lame, forced, or trite. I am twenty years old (nearly)! I should have one brilliant, winning spark at least. There is no hope for me. I had ideas, I think, before, perhaps. But they have fled me. Clearly my mind is deteriorating. I'm growing stupid. There's nothing that can be done.

But without words what am I?!? I have no skills, no calling, no passion beyond the arrangement of words. If there is no place for me in that world then there is no place for me anywhere.

I am useless.
My despondency is complete.

It's in moments like these that I must attempt to remind myself that I do, in fact, writer every day, just not in the way I seem to think I should. I am constantly writing in my head, arranging my thoughts into words as I observe the world around me. Then there are the lengthy commentaries I tack to Tumblr posts. That is, in fact, writing. And I tend to jot sentences here and there, random and interesting phrases and they come to mind. Those are written too.

I am young (nearly). The inspiration for great works of fiction will come. Until then, I need to remind myself that the entire world is not reading my notebooks. I need to coax myself to put things in them, even if it seems stupid because writing for writing's sake is good. The passion is truly important, and I have the passion. I think, perhaps, maybe, that could mean I am a writer.
Mood: accomplished
08 June 2011 @ 09:26 pm
So here you have my essay/review/reaction piece for the newest episode of Doctor Who (and the last until September!) , A Good Man Goes To War.  I posted it to my tumblr on Sunday and now I'm sharing it with you here on Livejournal! (or, rather, archiving it here, since no one really reads this journal and things get lost on my Tumblr) Enjoy!


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Yes, I know I haven't posted is eons. Not too much has happened to me...and yet quite a lot has occurred! The school year is over so I've moved back home which, if you've heard anything about my dorm room trials and tribulations, you know is a great relief. I've been working quite a bit, which is nice because it means I have money again...and not so nice because it means I'm tired and have less free time. I do still manage to waste many hours doing nothing on the internet though. I need to become more productive. I am quite proud that I started and finished this in one night though! I need to get back on to my fic writing...

This was written as a fill for a prompt on the Doctor Who fic meme blog on Tumblr. I think they might have wanted it to be humorous...but I couldn't resist writing a bit of reminiscent angst....I do love connecting Eleven to his past incarnations, afterall! :oP

I See a Tall, Skinny Stranger - 1/1
Characters: Eleven, Amy and Rory, Ten/Rose if you squint
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Summary: The Eleventh Doctor gets his palm read. "I see you cried much in a past life".
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Listening to: Globes and Maps - Something Corporate
This began with someone on Tumblr asking who my favorite Doctor is and why. I responded with this gushy little blurb about my adoration for the Fourth Doctor. I then received a lovely anonymous message asking me to give a similar speech about Ten. Then Michaela, in her infinite wisdom (and slight cruelty) requested that I write some sort of manifesto about my reasons for loving Doctor/Romana (specifically the Fourth Doctor) as much as I do. This is the result. Enjoy?
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Mood: bouncybouncy
Listening to: Jazz playing the ukele.
16 February 2011 @ 09:31 pm
Yes, believe it or not, I enjoy television programs other than Doctor Who! I, like many Whovians, have fallen in love with Stephen Moffat's newest project, Sherlock. I may not approve of everything the man has been doing with DW...but I'm grateful to him for this masterpiece! (and to the brilliant Mark Gatiss as well) Sherlock Holmes in general is another obsession of mine and this is really an amazing re-imagining of it. When I first heard "modernized Holmes" I was wary, but they did it so very well. Really, it's far more accurate to Doyle's works than other recent period-set interpretations! Also, Benedict Cumberbatch is a perfect Sherlock and is wonderfully complimented by Martin Freeman's adorably puppy-like Watson. The character I was most impressed by (and enamored with) though was certainly Jim Moriarty. Andrew Scott takes the concept of a man who is Sherlock's exact opposite, a "consulting criminal", who's intelligence is certainly on par with that of the world's only consulting detective, which Doyle doesn't do too much with in his writing (Moriarty is featured in only one story!) and takes it to a fascinating, terrifying place. Dear Jim, whom we don't even get to see until the last ten minutes of The Great Game, is deliciously insane.....plus, he's also ridiculously attractive. So, yes, I'm in love with Jim Moriarty....I adore the Baker Street Boys, but it's the Irishman with the big eyes that I'm really dying to see more of in the fall.

Of course, the statement that we don't see Jim until the last few minutes of the last episode isn't entirely true....we see "Jim from IT" briefly around the middle of the episode as the well-dressed and slightly awkward young man who is apparently dating Sherlock's personal fangirl, Molly Hooper. That scene is what inspired this fic. I blame Polly, mostly. Someone on Tumblr described Jim and Molly as the Joker and Harley of Sherlock, I latched onto that analogy with enthusiasm being a big Batman fan myself, and Polly demanded a fic. So...here is my account of how Jim Moriarty, genius and consulting criminal, met Molly Hooper, coroner, and got close enough to her to be able to get close to Sherlock Holmes. (I apologize in advance that it's very short and not very good....in my opinion...) Hopefully there will eventually be a second part to this titled "Right Time". Enjoy!

Right Time - 1/2
Characters: Jim Moriarty/Molly Hooper
Rating: PG
Genre: General....possibly romance, depending on how you view this relationship.
Summary: He was absolutely in the wrong place, but was Molly?
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Mood: anxiousanxious
Listening to: Love Me Dead - Ludo
07 February 2011 @ 08:09 pm
This was written this afternoon because I had a sudden and unrelenting craving for Doctor/Romana fluff. Boy, does this fit that description....this is quite possibly the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff. It's kind of ridiculous. I should probably warn you that it might induce comas due to the amount of sugar it contains. Read at your own risk. O__O

Étrange - 1/1
Characters: Four/Romana
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance/Fluff
Summary: The Doctor and Romana have begun to realize their affection for each other. A trip to Paris helps them overcome the strangeness of their situation.
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Mood: stressedstressed
Listening to: "Spinning" - Jack's Mannequin
04 February 2011 @ 01:27 am
So Katie and I have been working diligently on the next installment our Ten/Rose AU ficverse that is as of now, nameless. I suppose it's my job to come up with some cute name if I'll be posting it to my LJ....."Beginnings verse"? I just don't know....I think it will have to wait until we have a few more stories up. Speaking of which, back on topic! We're working on the direct sequel to Journey's Beginning. For the time being I think we'll be working on this story more or less in chronological order. It doesn't have a title yet (we seem to be having naming difficulties, don't we?) but it will be firmly within the realm of fluff with only the merest hints of angst peppered in, because apparently we can't avoid it even if we try. So, after the somewhat "active" plot of the last story, you'll be treated with a nice rest that involves more thinking than moving and is full of fluff. :o)

This story should be finished tomorrow night, and then I hope to get started on a oneshot of my own for the verse that will focus on Jack and Donna.

So.....there you have it! If you care at all about Katie and mine's unnamed ficverse, you now know what if going on. If you don't, I'm sorry that this post is meaningless.


I'm really trying to force myself to write more. I mean it. I need words back in my life. I'm saner when I'm writing.
Mood: restlessrestless
Listening to: "Bloodshot" - Jack's Mannequin
So this little one-shot is a long time in coming. More than a month ago my dear Twinny, Katie, started talking about this idealistic, happy Doctor Who AU in which the Doctor was never shot by that random Dalek in The Stolen Earth. Thus, this fic came to be. We wrote it completely together, back and forth, mostly via instant message! Eventually we hope to turn it into an entire 'verse and are currently working on a sequel to this piece. Knowing Katie, there will be plenty of angst to come, but this is sweet, happy, and so Doctor/Rose it might kill you. :o) Enjoy?

Journey's Beginning - 1/1
Characters: Ten/Rose, Jack, Donna
Rating: T
Genre: Romance
Summary: An AU of Stolen Earth/Journey's End in which Captain Jack shows up a minute earlier and blows the lid off a certain Dalek. Co-written with vale_decem.
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Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Listening to: The Horror of Our Love - Ludo
20 January 2011 @ 01:26 am
I have a terrible feeling, and have for the last several days, that I have somehow lost my writing ability. I know I have spent far too much time on the internet as of late and hardly any time at all with my nose in a good book (which I have stacks and stacks of, waiting to be read) or with an actual pen set to a notebook (which I also have stacks and stacks of...I get them as gifts....and they're all so lovely...I feel terrible that I don't use them all the time...). I haven't even been using Microsoft Word as much as in the past, which means that I haven't even been writing fanfiction, which is just plain sad. Usually, even if I've been slacking on my creative writing (which is my major for Gallifrey's sake...), I can give myself a little bit of false comfort by looking at the word count of my latest one-shot. Recently, however, I haven't been able to force myself to write any good Doctor/Rose fluff! I've got no shortage of ideas, there's an extensive "plot bunny" list sitting in a handy virtual post-it note on my desktop...I'm simply having the hardest time forcing myself to write anything at all. This disturbs me.

So today, I decided to finish the Eleven/Romana one-shot that I began three days ago (at two in the morning...last time I had any sort of muse to speak of) and, as you can see in the post previous to this one, I actually did! For a few moments, I was proud of myself for actually finishing something, but that initial catharsis quickly dissolved into anxiety as I read through it. The grammar was fine and the story was complete, but my writing....it just felt....off. I suppose it probably seems fine to other people, but to me it's abnormal and kind of forced. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that it's about the Eleventh Doctor and written from the POV of the Ponds, both of which are things I have never attempted before, but I just worry that the difficulty I had in making this story come out the way I wanted it to signals some sort of terrible calamity inside my head. What if I've lost my writing chops for good?!? What if I've fried my brain with memes and fangirling?!? Writing is all I have going for me! What will I do with my life, if not string words together?!?!? Yes. I'm a hypochondriac. I've been being told this since I was about six. (It's been labeled "OCD" and "panic disorder" since then, but it all boils down to the same issues doesn't it? A rose by any other name and such.)

Writing this little rant has actually made me feel a bit better. I think I've composed this rather eloquently, I've used some decent vocabulary, the words have come to me fairly quickly, and my brain seems pleased it's being used. It speaks to the therapeutic role writing serves in my life, if nothing else, and should really be a reminder to me that I only panic about my writing when I haven't been. Yet, it still worries me that I've been having such trouble forcing myself to practice my chosen craft. I need some self-discipline. Desperately.
Listening to: "Sons and Daughters" - The Decemberists
Well, I think this is certainly a sign of how far I've come from my initial hatred of the Eleventh Doctor...I've written a fic about him! Involving my favorite companion! (Yes, I actually like her better than Rose.) Basically, this was inspired by an ongoing discussion amongst the depressingly small number of Whovians on Tumblr who are familiar with the Classic series as well as the New revival. Basically, if you keep track of dates and references, it's rather obvious that when the Doctor claims to be 900 in the 2005 series, he's lying through his teeth. In short, he's an old woman lying about his age, and we thought it would be just heeeelarious if he were to run into the one companion who is fully aware of how old he actually is and she were to call his bluff. Thus, this fic was created. I know that many Whovians are not familiar enough with Classic!Who to know much about the lovely Romanadvoratrelundar (EVERYONE NEEDS TO WATCH MORE CLASSIC.), but I do hope you'll give this a look anyway!

A Question of Experience - 1/1
Characters: Eleven/Romana, Amy, Rory
Rating: G
Genre: Humor
Summary: The Doctor runs into a very old friend during an adventure and, while they’re catching up afterward, she calls him out on a lie he’s been telling for a few years…
Disclaimer: The Beeb owns all.
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Mood: accomplished